Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i now understand why vodka
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
