She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm always down for nudity.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize