there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
