Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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