This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
