Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
