I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
