Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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