I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
