I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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