the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
