What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
