so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
