What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
