When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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