The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
We need to rekindle our bromance
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
