i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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