I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
