do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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