but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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