I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
