hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
