After last night, I could never be a politician.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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