she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
