Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
