Banned from zoo.
Again?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
