i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
