Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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