He told me they were just razor bumps!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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