I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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