They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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