it was like his penis was on wheels.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Bring me that man meat
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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