Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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