Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
