i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
