I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
