he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Watching her eat just hurts me
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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