I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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