I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
