How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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