Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
