a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
