I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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