Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
