I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I love having hate sex.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
