I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
