walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
