they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
