I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
