dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
