mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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